Betty ford says i'm here all night
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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