Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
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i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
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I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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