Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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