im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
