I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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