i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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