dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
