well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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