it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
