Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
