If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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