Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
