Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
