bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Randomize
