it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
