I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
my mouth tastes like poor choices
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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