I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
