My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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