"it" just moved
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
