at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize