literally had 100 drinks last night.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
