I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
