If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
