Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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