The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
