i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
