Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
