You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
i think my cat just said my name.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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