Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
