I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
