They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
