Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Two words: blizzard sex
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
