On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
