I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
