Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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