he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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