I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
