I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
