she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
