I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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