I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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