when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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