This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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