Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
