i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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