I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
