im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
ā€ˇ"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
