I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
