did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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