i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
