I could make wine with my vomit
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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