you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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