and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
