dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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