The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
