i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
