too bad you live with your parents still
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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