Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
