Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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