I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
