You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
