Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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