im drinking this country out of the recession.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
