i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
