I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
Randomize