Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
